I’m reading a book about loneliness, (Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection, by John T. Cacioppo & William Patrick) and although it’s not specifically about work, of course I see work implications everywhere in it. The most heartbreaking thing is the way the body’s stress response to loneliness diminishes our capacity to build connections. It erodes executive function, concentration, and the ability to read other people’s emotions. It heightens the threat response, reduces our ability to relax, and makes us more critical of ourselves and others. I think of times that I’ve felt lonely at work and these symptoms sound true. Fragile, negative, self-critical is not the way to show up when you want to be your best, or when you want to build a stronger relationship with your colleagues.
A lot of the strategic questions I work on with clients are about relationships. Are great colleagues worth feeling stagnant in my assigned tasks? Is the feeling of disconnection, isolation, and fear that I’m feeling temporary, or will it deepen? Can my individual efforts improve this sucky company culture? Is the time I’m giving to work worth the toll my absence or preoccupation is taking on my relationships outside of work?
