Have you ever thrown a stick for a friendly dog and lived to regret it? A few minutes of fun and then suddenly you’ve got a persistent slobbery agenda that you can’t sidestep?
That happened to me a little while ago and it made me think of my client L.
L is a very impressive person with a very impressive job who started to feel like she was drowning.
As sometimes happens, she reached out to her network. All she knew when she reached out was she felt like she was in crisis, and she had to leave.
And because she’s great, her network leapt into action. They mentioned her name, they told her about opportunities, they passed along her resume with their strongest recommendation.
And because she’s great, she got job offers. The problem was, she felt worse than ever.
That’s when she came to me.
“I realized I didn’t know if I wanted those positions. What if I took one of them and then was unhappy again?”
I see this pretty often. It’s not the risk high performers worry about — they worry about wasting people’s time, or about revealing their indecision or lack of knowledge. (And they’re right to worry. That’s a real risk!)
But there’s another risk that is counter-intuitive. It’s the risk that people who hold you in high regard will go rogue and start telling everyone they know about you. They hear that you’re unhappy and they see that you’re available. They believe in you and think you could do anything. So when they encounter openings, or organizations in need of help, of course they’re going to sing your praises.
I think of it as the friendliest and most enthusiastic golden retriever you’ve ever met. Spend a few minutes with them, and suddenly there’s a slobbery stick at your feet and you’re not sure you want it.
Worse, you asked for it. And they went and spent energy and their personal capital on your behalf and brought it to you. So you’re supposed to be grateful. Lovely.
And now you’re not closer to knowing what makes you happy. But now you’ve got an opportunity to evaluate and a relationship to manage, on a more urgent timeline than you had before.
When you’re a high achiever, you’ve earned advocates who would love to champion you.
What to Do Before You Ask
Before you tap their enthusiasm, it’s worth spending time to be sure they won’t go rogue.
You’ll first unearth the things you want from the next chapter, and get a precise description of the problems you love solving, the superpowers you bring to your work, and the characteristics of organizations where you’ll flourish. (As well as the red flags you’re going to take care to avoid.)
Once you can clearly describe what ‘good’ looks like, you’ll build a shortlist of 4-6 options you want to learn more about. Now you identify the specific questions, doubts, and challenges you’ll be using your network to research.
Then you go to your network, with clarity.
Instead of a drooly golden retriever, your network will be bloodhounds on the scent, tracking down great things you couldn’t find on your own. You don’t want every stick in the yard. You want help following trails that lead somewhere.
When you’re ready to get clear, this is what my Your Next Pursuit program is built around. Call me before you start throwing any sticks.
