Relationships come with mess and ambiguity. Dread and mixed messages are like a monster under the bed. You don’t know exactly how big a problem it is, and you’d rather not look.
When you know what you want, it’s easier to get what you want. I use a deep breath and an index card, and I ask myself, “After this conversation, what do I want the other person to know? And what do I want the other person to feel?”
It also works on yourself. Getting absolutely clear on what you want to know and feel gives you the guidepost to the words and the body language that can get you there.
This exercise reveals how I’ve contributed to the situation, and opens me up to a constructive path through.
There are follow-up questions I use to prepare clients for high-stakes conversations, but these two will get you pretty far on their own.
